Why Is She?

From conversations with my mother—rendered through memory, voice, and inheritance.

As a child, I recall seeing my mom working behind whirling sewing machines in a crowded sweatshop where she made beautiful clothing for department stores. At home, she crafted clothes for my sisters and I and mended my father’s workwear. Sewing was simpler then – a useful skill and a form of income. In high school, I filled my notebooks with sketches; amateur designs that would become my friend’s prom dresses. With time, sewing became design and design became my own personal creative outlet. 

I studied Fashion and Design at FIDM with dreams of becoming a clothing designer. I felt empowered by my growing ability to transform simple ideas into tangible beauty. I received my Associate of Arts Degree, married and had my daughter. I remained eager to continue my studies, grow as a designer, and build a career. However, I was now a new and single mother and design jobs were downtown so my parents were unsupportive. Involuntarily, I'd become victim to a familial misconception of success and the dream of becoming a designer took place on the back burner. 

I was working an office job when my sister told me she was applying for cosmetology programs and I told her I'd join her. What began as a mere weekend hobby would become a 25-year-career, showcasing my talent and creativity in a wonderfully unexpected medium – hairdressing. Transforming my client’s confidence through my work has been the most indescribably rewarding feeling and I’ll never take it for granted. Still, it wasn’t enough to satiate my love of design and I struggled to accept that. 

Fortunately, I share my deep love for fashion and design with my daughter. We’d spend countless hours thrifting, ultimately amassing an unbearable collection of clothes. Eventually, I joined Poshmark as a seller and became instantly obsessed. I immersed myself entirely — studying designers and analyzing product details. Each sale was reassurance that I still had an eye for this. Nevertheless, I yearned to create my own pieces so with this newfound confidence I began to sew. 

In time, I was liberated and no longer sought the approval of formal training or years of experience. I allowed myself to create at my own pace and for my own satisfaction. I had once lost myself in feeling that I had nothing to give and now find myself in realizing I have nothing to lose. Through De Nada Vintage, I honor a piece of myself that I had neglected for far too long. I dedicate myself to this ongoing journey of self love through self expression and will embrace the nothings that inspire me.